3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
