Apparently you make a good broom.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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