Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
