Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
