i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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