hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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