omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
