I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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