Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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