Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize