I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
