my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
