my vag is so smooth its legendary
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
