I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
