I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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