More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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