Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
