The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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