did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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