My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
