Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
