You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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