Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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