heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
