he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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