So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
