I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize