she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
