Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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