It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
