Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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