were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
