I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your cock deserves a montage
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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