She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
