Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
