last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
