Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
