there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
