I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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