my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
