Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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