I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
