we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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