Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
