You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
