He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
