woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
