I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize