Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
