Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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