# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
