remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
