Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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