Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
