I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
