I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize