the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
