apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
