I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
