everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
