PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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