he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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