omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
