Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
