I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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