Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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