Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
