God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
