the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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