I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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