just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
