Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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