I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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