Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
