You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize