her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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