How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
