You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do vagina's smell?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
