I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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