i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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