dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's shark week go big or go home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
