pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
