69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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