6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
