chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
