My cat gives me a boner
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
