do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
