Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
