I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He passed out mid-signature
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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