so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
