Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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