Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize