Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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