Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you traded sex for a burrito?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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