So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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