her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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