Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
