During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
