I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
