dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
