well you can't waste a boner
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
