i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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